- You are motivated to learn and apply the skills and tools to have a more healthy, meaningful, and connected marriage or relationship;
- The moment when you recognize that help is needed, even though the other person doesn’t recognize the need;
- You have tried working on it, but, you feel “stuck in neutral;”
- Despite your efforts to change it, you feel emotionally, psychologically, and/or sexually disengaged;
- Fights often break out, you withdraw emotionally, and/or you choose to not confront the real issue(s);
- You want the other person to be”fixed,” they are what is wrong with the relationship;
- The recurring thoughts that you would be happier with someone else
Does this sound like you? If so, keep reading…
Here at Aspire Wellness Clinic, our therapists recognize that couples face many challenges during the course of their relationship. Most people want to feel loved, appreciated, understood and accepted by their partner, but many people don’t know how to get this or give this to one another and conflict ensues. Other times, outside stresses put strain on a marriage. Career difficulties, extended family involvement, children, finances. When things are not going the way that you had hoped for, this can create strain.
Marriage counseling can help strengthen your ability to communicate effectively with one another around these issues. Marriage counseling can help you understand the underlying issues that are present in your conflicts. It can provide you with the coping skills necessary to deal with issues that are putting a strain on the marriage. It will help you sort through the emotions that make these issues difficult to talk about. Marriage counseling can also help you understand how your childhood impacts how you relate to one another in your adult relationship.
Marriage counseling can help you identify and communicate your needs to your partner as well as help you understand and meet your partners needs. Marriage counseling can help you feel more connected to one another, strengthen your ability to communicate effectively, increase and improve intimacy and create a fulfilling and happy life together.
Sometimes couples see divorce as the only way out of the fight. It does not have to be this way. Marriage takes work and skill. Many people don’t learn the skills necessary for a successful relationship prior to getting married. If you remember why you fell in love, why you came together and want to get back to that, marriage counseling can help make that happen.
Our therapists at Aspire Wellness in Temecula, CA subscribe to five straight forward principles of effective couples therapy:
1) Change your perception of the relationship:
Throughout the therapeutic process, our therapists attempt to help both partners see the relationship in a more objective manner. Also, they learn to stop the “blame game” and instead look at what happens to them as a process involving each partner. They also can benefit from seeing that their relationship takes place in a certain context. Our therapist start this helpful process by collecting “data” on the interaction between the partners by watching how they interact. We then formulate “hypotheses” about what causal factors may be in play to lead to the way the couples interact. At Aspire Wellness Clinic, our focus is on altering the way the relationship is understood, the couple can start to see each other, and their interactions, in more healthier ways.
2) Correct dysfunctional behavior:
Our therapists are effective at couples therapy because we attempt to correct the manner in which the partners actually interact with one another. This means that in addition to helping couples improve their interactions, our therapists also ensure that our clients are not engaging in behaviors that may well cause physical, psychological, or economic harm. In order to do this, our therapists conduct a careful psychological assessment to determine whether the couple are, in fact, at risk. If necessary, our therapists may well recommend, as an example, that one partner be referred to a domestic violence shelter, to a specialized substance abuse rehabilitation center for intensive treatment, or to a specifically designed anger management program at Aspire Wellness. However, it is quite possible that if the risk is not considered to be severe, the couple can benefit from “time-out” procedures to halt the escalation of conflict.
3) Reduce your emotional escapism:
At Aspire Wellness Clinic, our experience has taught us that couples who avoid expressing their intimate feelings put themselves at greater risk of becoming emotionally disengaged and gradually separate. Our therapists help our clients address the emotions and thoughts that they have been reluctant to express to their significant other. We frequently utilize Attachment-based couples therapy which allows the couples to bring down the proverbial walls and build a bridge so that they can effectively express their needs for closeness.
4) Boost your communication:
At Aspire Wellness Clinic, we believe that being able to communicate is one of the 3 C’s of intimacy. Our couples therapy sessions focus on helping the partners to communicate more effectively. Building on principles #2 and #3, this communication is not abusive, nor are the partners allowed to berate each other when they do express their true feelings. Quite often, our couples require “coaching” to learn how to speak to each other in a more thoughtful, supportive, and understanding tone. Our therapists also provide the couple with didactic instruction to give them the basis for knowing what types of communication are effective and what types will only cause more conflict. We teach couples that they can learn how to listen more actively and empathically. However, exactly how to accomplish this step requires that our therapists turn back to their prior assessments they performed early on in treatment. It is important to realize that couples with a long history of mutual criticism may require a different approach than those who try to avoid conflict at all costs.
5) Highlight your strengths:
To be effective as a couple, our therapists highlight the strengths in the relationship and strive to cultivate resilience especially as therapy draws to a close. Because so much of couples therapy involves focusing on problem areas, it’s easy to lose sight of the other areas in which couples function effectively. At Aspire Wellness Clinic, we feel that the point of promoting strength is to help the couple gain more meaningful enjoyment out of their relationship.
If you would like to meet or talk with one of our therapists about marriage and couples counseling call our Temecula, CA office at (951) 363-3150, or click below to fill out our secure online form.